A Self-Care Disaster
December 4, 2022 | by Marc Cebrian
The first time I heard the term “self-care,” I thought it was a clever euphemism for watching porn. Turns out, it is really a thing.
Some descriptions are pretty bloated, but a helpful definition is:
“the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.”
“The Greatest Unending Story! (Part 408)” given on December 3, 2022, could be known as David C. Pack's One Hour and Forty-Three Minutes of Self-Care. The majority of the message focuses on Dave’s favorite topic: Dave.
He is Elijah-Elect, after all, and is such a prominent Bible figure it would be impossible to end the Series without focusing on all the exciting stuff he is about to do. The way Dave tells it, every other minister inside The Restored Church of God will be sitting on their thumbs when God rocks the world in the coming days.
The brethren must be wondering about their role in this since God's message to God's people does not really involve them. Their job is to just sit and listen and buy it. As long as they paid their Common.
But, maybe Jesus Christ will get to explain more to them when He comes back if hot-shot Elijah shuts his mouth long enough to let the Son of God have a word in edgewise.
Once Elijah takes the world stage, he will not be leaving. Even after the house lights come up.
Since the greasy, slimy math lie worked so well twice before, Dave decided to repeat it a third time so it could be a well-established unfact that shrivels for anyone who bothers to prove Mister Uncheckable.
@ 02:48 Now, we know that just to have a Christmas on Tevet 1, regardless of what day it is, it’s once in 76 years…I wonder if Tevet 1 ever occurs on a Sunday again. That is also Christmas. It could be centuries. I can only tell you that 46 years from today, in 2068, it's a Tuesday. So, that becomes its own, to me, fascinating point about how God timed this year. It would surely seem.
He again measures the time diameter and calls it a 76-year radius. It is still a lie. It occurs three times within 76 years.
If Dave had carefully read Brad’s summary of my article, he could have had Coffee Kid and Pepper Boy look up the Sunday aspect before he pranced to the lectern. But, preparation is not one of Dave’s strong suits.
Dave was piling on to his Christ-Coming-on-Christmas theory by stating how important it is for Tevet 1 to begin the new year on the first day of the week, a Sunday.
I did their work for them. The answer is the year 2174. That is the next time Tevet 1 falls on a Sunday Christmas. The current Restored Church of God thinking is that those parameters have to line up. If Jesus Christ does not appear in the next 21 days, He will not for another 152 years.
Do not hang your Santa hat on that. In 22 days, even Dave will abandon that “proof” like he will all the others.
Surprisingly, he refrained from making the message all about him until the 21-minute mark. Even these instances were only toe-dips into the self-serving pool he would later throw RCG into.
While covering Revelation 14:6, he had to compulsively speculate.
@ 21:09 “And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach to them that dwell on the earth…” Now, that may be Elijah. Again. Probably is.
Dave being Elijah has become The Restored Church of God's biblical spackle. You have a church of about 1500 people, and every blank space in Dave's Bible has "Elijah" written in it. It could not possibly be Brad or Ed or Ryan or Jaco or Tim or Carl or Jim or Andy or Salasi or Frank or Raymond. We know it cannot be Ken or Deacon Snappy Fingers, but come on, Dave!
Seriously, there is nobody else it could possibly be?
The continuation into verse 7 suddenly has Dave walking back his statement from seconds ago.
@ 21:34 Now, that could be a different one later. Hard to say.
It further pains Dave to admit “another angel” in verse 8 may not also be him. Oh, the humility!
@ 21:51 And you could speculate that’s not Elijah. That’s just another angel, again saying…
In Revelation 14:14, Jesus Christ cannot be the one sitting on the clouds “like the Son of Man,” so Dave breaks out the speculation spackle because…why not?
@ 27:09 Maybe it's the Seventh Messenger. I'm not sure. Maybe it's the Seventh Angel if you wanna put it that way.
If he is not sure, then why even bring it up? Dave loves to have the preeminence. He loves to be on center stage. He loves being all throughout God's word. He cannot help but see himself in every nook and cranny of the Bible because he has been prepared his whole life, starting when he began to doodie in the toilet, not in his pants.
The pointless speculation serves no one in The Restored Church of God except David C. Pack. He is the only beneficiary of such imaginative preaching.
If you ever read Amos 3:7 and thought it was God explaining the concept behind the entire Bible and not only about David C. Pack, then you never truly understood it.
Amos 3:7
Surely the Lord GOD will do nothing, but He reveals His secret to His servants the prophets.
Dave seems to forget that it is a plural statement. Over the years, he often repeats that as to why he was chosen to give the Series. God is revealing His secrets to Dave, a prophet.
If that was indeed the case, why is it so hard? Why has Dave been 100% wrong 100% of the time?
Nevertheless, Dave cites Amos 3:7 and then ponders a big question.
@ 35:41 Would God bring 100 to 200 billion people five and a half days away, and nobody ever says anything to anybody other than in this room or who are listening in or who will catch up on other languages? That’s a giant question. That’s a giant question. No one foretells what is called The Kingdom of God? Really?
Dave hints that the “days of his voice” are much bigger than just “The Greatest Unending Story!” Series.
The Elijah Show begins, and for the next 66 minutes, it is a solid Elijah-Fest where he focuses solely on his role. Let me repeat. He spends over one hour talking only about himself. Why he does not just preach to a mirror is one of the great mysteries of our time.
@ 37:21 A picture’s gonna grow and grow and grow and grow and become what I’m pretty sure is impossible to misunderstand.
These are the things he covers in Part 408.
Dave is the sower who went out to sow in Matthew 13, Mark 4, and Luke 8.
Dave is the Elijah who must first come and restore all things in Matthew 17.
Dave is like John the Baptist, who will be raised by God with an utterance.
Dave is an apostle, which makes him more than a prophet because he is also a Levite.
Dave is raised as That Prophet.
Dave is “My servant David” in Psalm 89.
Dave is anointed as Joshua the High Priest in Zechariah 3 even though he is not yet a High Priest but will be before Friday.
Dave is the rod out of the stem of Jesse of Isaiah 11:1.
Dave is the one the spirit of the Lord rests upon in Isaiah 11:2, :4, :5.
Dave is the mighty and strong one of Isaiah 28:2.
Dave is the righteous man from the east of Isaiah 41:2.
Dave is raised up from the north in Isaiah 41:25.
Dave will bring good tidings to Jerusalem in Isaiah 41:27.
Dave is the Watchman of Ezekiel 3:17.
Dave is the plant of renown in Ezekiel 34:29.
Dave is three different messengers in one: Haggai 1, Revelation 10:7, and Malachi 3:1.
Dave finishes the Mystery of God in Revelation 10:7.
That is a tremendous amount of “Dave is” stuffed inside 66 minutes, though I am sure I missed some. That list is a summation of what transpires throughout the message to set up a new “big twist” Dave was selling.
Wait for it.
Look, Daddy. Teacher says, “Every time Dave sets a date, an angel gets his wings.”
An Elijah announcement period of no more than five days, but no less than two days, occurs before Friday, December 9. Each day is a countdown for David C. Pack to become a world figure.
@ 1:05:28 There are days of this man’s voice. This period, if it is this week, and I’m understanding it correctly, the latest it could begin would be Wednesday morning. If it’s right after the 12th [Kislev], then it would be Tuesday morning, and there'd be three days of his voice.
That is BIG NEWS, or he is wrong and will continue to linger in obscurity even though he has been crowned as the Chief Buffoon of the COG community.
So, rather than quietly letting that world-announcement period start which involves JUST HIM, and not forcing the members of The Restored Church of God to listen while he explains it, Dave just had to hold court "one last time" to make sure all the brethren knew how super-duper important he is to God.
The brethren inside RCG have been "watching and waiting" for so long, if something biblical did happen suddenly and they did not know about it…it would not have made any difference. It would be a relief for them. They were awaiting Jesus Christ any day, and their faith would have been rewarded before they expected, which would have fulfilled verses about not knowing the day and hour because BOOM, Mr. Pack is Elijah!!!
But instead of keeping it quiet and only telling those who need to know, Dave’s ego could not sit on this electrifying information without blabbing it to everyone. This will create a series of daily failures before the Super Mega Failure on Friday morning, December 9.
Here are a few notable quotes for those interested in reading his words. He sets up this period before Friday, and Elijah is the one to do it.
@ 43:31 We gotta whole lot more proving to do to see if we’ve got this right. I said we’d there'd be a twist. A huge wrinkle we never thought about because if this is true if what we're gonna read in diamonds, clubs, hearts, and spades is true, then something's gonna happen before Friday morning. But I don’t wanna declare that.
And yet, he goes on to declare it with caveats.
@ 1:05:49 It can't be more than five [days], and would it happen before all of the brethren hear it? Tomorrow at 9:30, it's five. Monday, it's four. Tuesday, it's three. Wednesday, it's two, and so forth. It can't go later than that unless, somehow, all of these are just the Kingdom of God and nothing, all the verses that suggest there's this man "rushing to call it out," the vision. And we're waiting for it, but he's just me calling it out to you in this room.
The “I’m three messengers in one” statement can be watched here.
He spends an exhaustive amount of time over-explaining "teleo," meaning "finished." Then, something about 21 days becomes a big sign that this Elijah pre-period is a real thing. Bla Bla Bla.
One unique angle to this message is how hard he hammers the "aw shucks, I don't wanna do this, but I gotta" story. It had to be someone. Someone God raises up with stellar abilities and intellect. Someone who doodies in the toilet, not in their pants. Unfortunately for him, that somebody is David C. Pack.
@ 43:51 And frankly, based on all I’m gonna tell ya, I hope I’m wrong. I hope we’re all waiting for Friday. But I have to be honest if I’m gonna be a wise and faithful servant. I have to tell you all that I found, and it’s simply staggering…I'm seeing things, whether it's the Book of Revelation or Isaiah or Nahum or wherever else you wanna go, things that I never saw before. And it's just like God is just clearing it up.
@ 1:04:01 I’ve never preached a sermon in my life with so many facts where I hoped every one of them is wrong. Nobody would want this assignment. I’m honored if this is what God wants. Somebody’s gonna do it. And his first name appears to be David.
@ 1:41:52 Whatever I envisioned, and I looked at these verses for years of my life, and intensively for the past seven years, it was never what I envisioned, was never that one man would go into Jerusalem alone for days without salvation and face the most horrific generation the world has ever seen. I hope it’s two days. I hope I misread every verse, and none of it happens, and we all comfortably wait for Friday. That's what I hope. But I just can't make the scriptures sing in that kind of harmony. They just don't. I hope everything here has another explanation. But I just don't think so.
@ 1:12:29 Don’t envy this man. Anybody who does? I’m gonna petition God, “You can do it. And I’ll stay back and fear not. And pray for you.” ‘Cause I need prayers. Because you say, “Well, I don’t know. Maybe it’s not you.” Well, then it’s some other David who’s a Seventh Messenger in a world that looks kinda like this one. And I wish there were another person.
He offers you the last slice of pie, hoping you pass it up. But then explains why he has to be the one to eat it. He does not want it to be him but explains why it has to be him. Aw shucks.
Trust me, he WANTS it to be him. It will crush him when it is someone else.
Dave already failed this morning. He will fail tomorrow morning. Then, Tuesday morning and again Wednesday morning. This will prepare all RCG for a more significant failure on Friday morning, which perfectly tees up the inevitable failure on December 25.
Do you think the Series is over?
@ 1:11:59 “Prepares the way” of what? Tells a small church they’re gonna go first? Okay, well, I’m done with that as of today. And, I mean, I think 408 sermons and, you know, 46,000 minutes and seven-plus years is enough. But we're just not quite to Friday yet.
@ 00:17 I guess this is Part 408. And by now, everybody knows with a roughly five and a half days to go, we’re not gonna have a 409.
Part 409 is a certainty. Just as the continual failure of RCG is a certainty.
Despite the David C. Pack Self-Care Disaster, nobody will enjoy well-being and happiness inside The Restored Church of God any time soon.
It will be a bummer of a Friday night this week. The new hymnal on the Sabbath will not be fully enjoyed because folks will continue to quietly ponder why the heckfire they are still attending.
The brethren of RCG need to practice self-care and flee from a false prophet. A man who lies to them and to himself. They need to escape from hirelings that care not for the sheep but feed off of them.
Do not believe a man, but believe your Bible. The screaming in your gut is not lying to you. Get out while you still can.
