Desperate Scrambling
September 26, 2022 | by Marc Cebrian
It was obvious that Pastor General David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God had a big breakfast this morning because he still had egg all over his face.
Instead of walking up to the lectern, declaring “April fools!” and then stepping down, Dave repeated history with his laughable “Special Comments” which were basically, “There was something WE missed. It happens at sundown somewhere in the world tonight.”
Pulease.
I would like to request that either The Meat Shield or The Coffee Kid please cut out Habakkuk and Zechariah from Dave’s Bible. Those books do absolutely no good for your boss.
I commented this morning on the Banned by HWA website predicting the spin Dave would grasp on to today. He did not disappoint. It is freaky how I have that guy figured out.
For the skimmers: Jesus Christ was supposed to arrive today at sunrise in Jerusalem, which would have been 5:30am eastern time. Dave "discovered" late last night that He will not arrive reckoned by Jerusalem time but by Joseph time (the United States and Canada). It will still be Trumpets in the west when sundown strikes Wadsworth, Ohio, at 7:17pm.
Being more than a blogger now, I feel a particular responsibility as a Restored Church of God chronicler; a whistleblower that gives commentary with a humorous slant, but also fact-based news reporting.
Due to this, I do my best to analyze events in a timely fashion.
When these “Special Comments” were posted, I was faced with the reality that if I wanted to get anything posted before the sunset deadline Dave set during the 20-minute excuse-rich blather, I would have to change my evening dinner plans which were made days ago.
I decided that I was not going to alter my schedule due to the erratic (if not predictable) nature of David C. Pack. I spent years in The Restored Church of God changing my plans (along with the whole Headquarters congregation) because “Mr. Pack” whatever. Those days are over.
So, you are reading this well after the sunset deadline because I opted to have dinner with a friend and thumb my nose at Dave's nonsense. Of course, his new idea was going to fail.
The man is destined to fail in all his prophetic endeavors.
Breaking the usual format, here are a string of quotes that tell the story:
"Two choices: It's too late for this year, or WE missed something.”
“Habakkuk 2:3. A truly enigmatic statement…and, suddenly, God gave me that corroboration.”
“And as I was sitting, and eventually it got toward 2 o'clock, and I was pondering this,
not because I any longer believed it was gonna be last night…”
Sounds like Dave was up until at least 2am last night. The man is not getting enough sleep.
“…and I finally figured out…”
“…‘rush that calls it out.’ So, I’m still calling it out, by the way.”
“What is that moad? Well, we now know it’s the Feast of Trumpets.”
That tune will change starting tomorrow.
“There’s a delay.”
“…after I noticed a verse we had never seen before in the light that we will.”
Dave only preaches darkness. His teachings are not of the light.
“…look at something we never saw.”
“But, what we read over and over again, and never saw for what it meant…”
Zechariah 14:6-7 bitch-slaps Dave with some new truth.
“…they tell you how and when everything begins.”
Until Tishrei 2. When the prophetic blueprint needs to be redesigned. Oh yeah, that is tomorrow.
“When does that happen? And here’s the plain answer. Impossible to argue with.
And it absolutely qualifies and agrees with Habakkuk 2:3.”
“…at evening time…dusk…sunset…extremity…now, that’s powerful.”
"So, it wouldn't turn on sundown or dusk in Jerusalem. It would have to be some later place."
“Jerusalem saw that the Feast of Trumpets disappear at 11:30 this morning.
And I knew they would.”
This contradicts what he told the church on Saturday night. Dave was right about being wrong again. Sad.
“7:17pm…if it’s here.”
“But fortunately, I figured this out late last night.”
All the best biblical knowledge manifests around 2am. That is when a sound mind is at its strongest, right Dave?
A few minutes ago, God gave this information to him. But now he figured it out. Interesting.
“Over in Zechariah 1…a series of eight visions that all appeared…
as happening in the shade. I never understood it.”
In the winter of 2019, Dave was utterly fixated with darkness and night and winter. He went through the first half of the book of Zechariah line by line because RCG was experiencing winter. Not figuratively, but the actual season.
He revisits those same ideas as if he had never taught that concept before. Maybe if he got more sleep, he would have remembered this is recycled material. The Meat Shield…well, shielded Dave from the embarrassment. The Coffee Kid kept his lips sealed. The Enabler-in-Chief just nodded.
“I do the best I can…maybe God wants this as a record.”
That would make me a scribe. And I believe God wants this to be recorded for all to see. These futile and pointless twenty minutes broadcast to all the members of The Restored Church of God that David C. Pack is a prophetic fraud.
“Maybe this is the very last day of my voice when I’m about to sound in four hours.”
I am transcribing this quote at 10:17pm. I laughed out loud.
“I do not believe for a split second we’re gonna go next year.”
“It's not Jerusalem, and I knew it, and I sat with the ministers this morning.
We were all convicted about it.
I said, ‘You’re gonna watch 11:30 pass…in Jerusalem…it can’t be.’”
I said that too. What does that say about me? An antichrist serpent more wicked almost than the devil knew Trumpets would come and go in Jerusalem with nothing occurring. A week before “God” revealed it to you. Why does that not fascinate anyone at Headquarters?
If you want to hire me back, Brad, I am willing to negotiate.
Dave fills the rest of his time with a Queen Elizabeth / Queen Victoria story about how they knew they were descended from King David.
Special Comments. The end.
Sunset came to Wadsworth. Sunset came to California. Maybe something biblical will happen on Maui in three more hours.
I will be asleep by then, but I suspect Dave will be pacing a bald spot in his carpet, waiting for inspiration from “God” to come in the wee hours of the night as it did for Nostradamus. You should start staring at a bowl of water, Dave. Maybe then one of your goofy ideas will pan out.
Brad and his wife will be giggling themselves to sleep, coming up with ideas for what excuses Dave will dream up next.
When he walks into your office tomorrow, Brad, just take a deep breath and try not to laugh.
It is a special day when you can wake up to David C. Pack failing before your first cup of coffee and then go to dinner as David C. Pack fails the same day again just in time for dessert. That is a remarkable accomplishment, and we should all take note.
David “Passover” Pack, the Elijah, the Messenger to the Seventh Era, Joshua the High Priest, The Watchman, The Good and Faithful Servant, The Goodman of the House, the Porter who “rushes to call it out” while giving a final ration about the Feast of Trumpets.
