Bag of Tricks
December 28, 2022 | by Marc Cebrian
Felix the Cat.
The wonderful, wonderful cat.
Whenever he gets in a fix,
he reaches into his bag of tricks.
David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God uses the Bible the same way. Whenever he gets into a prophetic jam, he and his co-conspirators sequester themselves in the Third Floor Executive Imaginarium with pickaxes, spending their days digging into the Bible to find a way of escape.
And wouldn’t you know it? They emerge with a “clear” solution. Every time. Funny how it keeps turning out that way. Well, not "funny," ha-ha, but you understand.
After seven weeks of hype, the Kingdom of God, Jesus Christ, the 1335, and/or the Day of the Lord did not arrive at 9:40 AM ET on Saturday, December 24. Later that day, Dave honked his little horn and tossed confetti around for 81 minutes during Part 411, hoping nobody noticed he was stalling.
Then, RCG’s resident Punxsutawney Phil poked his head out on Tuesday, December 27, 2022, to contort the scriptures for 83 more minutes of “The Greatest Unending Story! (Part 412).”
Spoiler Alert:
Jesus Christ will return at 5 PM ET on December 31, 2022
Midnight Jerusalem time fits perfectly
God will reset the monthly calendar back to Tevet 1 on January 1
Nebuchadnezzar will be resurrected as The Man of Sin
Ten Days of the Lord are followed by a Seven Year Kingdom
The Packian Triad of Fraud found their new "get out of jail free" card they can use from here on out when the timing does not pan out. If you think that this can only apply to Tevet 1, guess again. Dave will find a way to make this work forever. This is the Uno Wild card he has been dreaming of.
God will reset the calendar so that each month is exactly 30 days. This will make the 42 months (1260 days) of Revelation land exactly where Dave needs them. The weekdays remain the same, so the Sabbath will not move.
Jumping to the end helps with understanding. How he got there is not important.
@ 1:21:51 He describes Himself as coming and knocking on the door…If that’s Headquarters, because Christ is coming to Joseph, then may I just tell you, brethren? That fits perfectly. Like [lip smack]. That'd be five o'clock. That’s even time. That’s even time. So, it should be at least the greatest candidate…we get, according to Matthew 20, our penny right as evening comes. Well, the sun is down at 5:08 here. So, if it’s midnight in Jerusalem, it’s five o’clock here. That’s the best I can tell you. I’m not, you know, we know in part and prophesy in part. I’m doing the best I can.
If you saw Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage in “The Rock” from 1996, you already know where this is headed.
“Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and [blank] the prom queen.”
@ 1:22:43 So then, two kinds of years must be accommodated in our thinking. Two starts of years. Two new years, if you will, ten days apart. It was there all along. But not going to be understood until God removed the last part of the Mystery made everything absolutely plain.
Tevet 1 came and went. Christmas Eve came and went. Dave was wrong but found out God is going to reset the monthly calendar from Tevet 8 back to Tevet 1.
@ 1:23:07 Now, a coincidence that we learn it now? I guess you decide. One year starts ten days. Another ends them. Then, they merge, as I've explained.
Pages are filled with Dave’s coincidences which have all been no coincidences at all. Remember, every coincidence he has pointed out for seven years has all turned up to be nothing. Nothing.
Two different types of years merge, according to him. The Roman New Year (January 1) and Tevet 1. They will become one in the same three days from now.
@ 1:23:18 Only God could reveal this. Truly.
Unless this is another ruse by Dave’s god. He did not address that in either message this week.
@ 1:23:23 So, it’s January 1st, that’s inarguable. That’s just inarguable.
This has an expiration date of three days from now. Just think how upset you would be if you bought a half-gallon of milk and, within four days, it spoiled. That is what folks inside RCG are experiencing. Dave’s prophetic milk spoils faster than real milk.
The most doubting and faithless person attending The Restored Church of God is David C. Pack. He knows his own teachings do not pass the sniff test before anyone else in the church does. He admitted in the Pathetic Update on December 23, “Over the past week, many other additional fascinating things have also clarified…”
“Over the past week” meant he spent the week coming up with new ideas from his Bag of Tricks. He did not approach his own date with any kind of belief. He also chose to not warn the brethren of RCG much sooner, which some then stewed and twisted in vain hope. And Dave let them. The Headquarters ministry let them. That is the kind of men they are.
Chances are low that anyone in RCG has to draw too near to New Year's Eve, wondering what hour Jesus Christ will return. If Church tradition holds, there will be an update getting in front of the failure to point out more that “we” missed and reveal there is a “clear path” to moving beyond January 1. The enabling hirelings at Headquarters will surrender their remaining integrity and agree.
@ 1:23:27 Or we wait a year. And I guess we'd wait a year at a time. The problem is the Mystery of God's over. You know all of 'em. I can't imagine that we're not pretty much about four days out. Good night.
Or we wait a year. That phrase is oft-repeated and never holds the line. Dave is the first to break rank and wander into new territory, leaving the idea of twelve months of sitting too unpalatable to stomach. He cannot sit down and shut up for one whole year. He has to find a different web to spin.
Just as he bitched out on Christmas, he will bitch out on New Year’s. New Year’s Day will be traded out for a younger, hotter Janus, which he already mentioned 67 minutes into Part 412.
At least this time, if New Year's fails, it is not God's fault. It is the Bible's fault.
@ 48:42 And somewhere, or the Bible stands false, somewhere in time, Almighty God is gonna bring those ten days between two years. There’s no arguing it. Too many verses collapse. Now you understand, maybe better than ever, why it was so difficult to figure out when this begins and how it begins.
Would that be considered spiritual growth? At least it is not pure blasphemy. That is something, right?
I do not know if there exists another human being on the face of the earth who is right when they are wrong. Yet, David C. Pack continually pulls that off.
@ 1:01:38 We were right about Tevet 1 does start the seven years. But not in any path that I saw. I just didn’t know how to read it. In a way, we were right. In fact, we were right twice.
@ 1:04:09 He [God] wouldn’t do it on Christmas. The 24th was a hard one. I saw Sunday, and we're coming to the end of the year, and we've went past the solstice. I'm thinkin', "We gotta get to Tevet 1 is gonna start this." I was right twice, but not in either way that I thought.
He almost copped to being wrong about Christmas, but it was just a pathway to being shown how correct he was. Twice. That is a skill I shall never be able to master.
@ 1:15:11 I was right. But the Christmas and timing the year, I didn’t realize how to put it.
He claims to be "right," using the past tense for something pertaining to a forthcoming fulfillment. It takes a truly sick mind to see continuous errors of the past as proof for future validations.
Dave keeps tripping over failure and tumbling down the stairs toward success. The biblical Chevy Chase of our time.
Do not take my word that he is teaching these things. For the sake of thoroughness, these snippets are for masochists and prophecy enthusiasts.
@ 35:38 So, there are years. They are not years of God, but they are years of men for thousands of years in winter that always come to a new day. So, you oughta at least be suspicious. Is Habakkuk talking about New Year’s Day smack between them?... He was talking about some year that set that up ten days in advance.
@ 50:38 God reset not only the year but the month. So, it gets reset. I want you just to think about this. It resets, wham, right back to Tevet 1. Who saw that coming? Try to argue with it. You can’t.
This will be another Dave idea that future Dave will argue against. Maybe by next Sabbath.
@ 53:49 Two days after Christ comes, if it’s this year, there’s a fast. And Israel will be fasting. God says, “Later on, I won’t hear their fasts. They’re wasting their time in captivity. But you’re not in captivity until the last three and half days…” Well, Tevet fits perfectly. First of all, it’s winter and many other reasons.
@ 1:12:33 Tuesday night, after all, is Christ's day. That's the night we got a Savior. On into the next day. That's called the Day of Jesus Christ. The Day of Christ. His day, and we're gonna take the [Passover] symbols with Him on Tuesday night. So, the weekly cycle wouldn't change, and it's a work day.
@ 55:09 But there would come a point where at the very end of the Series, everything would just get plain. All the mystery would just go away, and that last mystery in Revelation was the trigger that you had to come ten days later to a year after you started in one. No wonder Christ wouldn’t know what year. God could just start any January 1st.
@ 1:01:11 And you didn't know that God was gonna start on the last days of my voice on Tevet 1. I didn't, either. To make all of this crystal clear. So, Tevet 1 does start the seven years.
We could all hope this would be the last days of Dave’s voice. Sadly, this path is “Not Now.” So says an unordained non-prophet/non-psychic after consulting Magic 8 Ball. I hate being the bearer of bad news.
Since the first goes last, it is appropriate to end at the beginning.
@ 00:00 So, we’re close to outta time. So, I guess we understand this is “Final Part 412.”
“Final Part 405” let out an uncontrollable gasp from the audience. It whispered, “That is baloney,” under the breath.
@ 08:52 …and I'm gonna read something to you. We've heard it before. But, we have never understood it, and you will today. And you'll understand why we’re still absolutely dead on track. Dead on track.
That must be of minimal comfort for everyone in RCG who let their hearts hope that salvation would come last Friday. Hearing it repeated on Saturday without proof or explanation must have felt equally void.
Dave and company had to dig really deep into their Bag of Tricks to pull this off. The Leaning Tower of Babel they constructed has never been so thin and fragile, tottering on the brink in the coming days.
It would be cheating to blow on it. Let God handle that. The construct will collapse with the passage of time. That is the most formidable enemy David C. Pack has actively working against him. The passage of time. Physical reality drives a truck over all his crystal-clear bobbles of fraud and illusion.
David C. Pack failed on Saturday, December 24, 2022.
David C. Pack will fail again Saturday, December 31, 2022.
He will not stop. He cannot stop.
The brethren of The Restored Church of God can get out at any time. By staying, they are choosing a man over God. They are choosing familiarity over truth. They choose to sit when they know they should walk. That is an awful state of mind to live in.
If 2022 indicates what 2023 will be like, expect more from David C. Pack’s endless Bag of Tricks.
