July 4, 2022 | by Marc Cebrian

Clean out the lint screen of your washer/dryer because the spin cycle in Wadsworth has begun. On July 3rd, David C. Pack of the Restored Church of God issued this “Prophecy Update” to the brethren:

We are all watching.

If events do not develop tonight, the 6th or 7th or after do not work for the first Kingdom (to Israel).

However, a case—in fact a very powerful case—has developed per the 1335 starting the 10 days rather than ending it.

This was surprising, but true.

But consider that the 1,335 has always involved a period of piercing and adhering, which we, brethren, would not need to worry about, meaning events could unfold before mid-month.

You/we will learn more soon!

Dave must have paced the third floor Executive Imaginarium yesterday until he wore a bald spot in the carpet. He opened his Bible and “Eureka!” What a coincidence and just the nick of time, to boot.

We are all watching.

We are all watching YOU, Dave. The past two months have been equally fascinating and sad. You are in a sad state, bro. For real.

If events do not develop tonight…

This has become one of Dave’s favorite words. Nothing developed last night. No shocker there.

HOWEVER, a case--in fact a very powerful case--

Surely this very powerful case is even more very powerful than all the other previous very power cases starting in May. Nobody will be on the edge of their seat with anticipation to hear this one.

…has developed per the 1335 starting the 10 days rather than ending it.

Poof! New Bible verses magically appear. Words that were previously cloaked have become visible. The definition of words experience a macroevolution.

Having your mom pick you up from the theater at the start of the movie is kind of different than picking you up at the end. “Very little is going to change,” comes to mind for some odd reason.

This was surprising…

Did anyone think Dave would dig back into his Bible and NOT find some way out of the expanding mess he created? It is not actually a way out, but just an angle to push the goal line down the field a few yards. Dave likes to change the rules of the game after it already started.

…but true.

True? True! Come on man, you do not get to use that word. What prophetic “inspired preaching” have you ever bestowed upon the members of The Restored Church of God since 2013 that history has proven to be true? Just name one. One.

…which we, brethren, would not need to worry about…

Don’t worry, brethren. Don’t think, brethren. Don’t question, brethren. Don’t apply critical thinking, brethren. Don’t prosecute the truth, brethren. Don’t get all 1 Thessalonians 5:21 on me because that’s just for the ministry per Ed, brethren.

…meaning events could unfold before mid-month.

Uh oh. I smell another brain fart, Dave. You better have someone check your trousers.