November 12, 2022 | by Marc Cebrian

One of my favorite attractions as a kid at Disneyland in Anaheim, California, was “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.” Mr. Toad moved to the Headquarters of The Restored Church of God long ago. He is the REAL Pastor General over there.

I grew accustomed to the staff meeting shifts for the eight years I worked in Wadsworth. The World to Come recording shifts. The department meeting shifts. The Social start time shifts. The staff breakfast shifts. Shifts. Shifts. Shifts.

Headquarters chaos always originates from one focal point: David C. Pack.

The root of all delays, cancellations and scrambles in RCG with any schedule can be laid at the feet of The Apostle. (Brad, Ed, and Dr. Ranney are all nodding as they read this. Ken is still clueless, and Ryan does not care.)

If your meeting time was changed, it was because “Mr. Pack is still sitting with the ministers.” If the World to Come shoot was delayed, it was because “Mr. Pack is talking with the bankers.” If your wedding anniversary dinner plans were demolished, it was because “Mr. Pack wants to do a Bible study with the ministers right now.” If you cannot pick up your daughter after school, it is because "Mr. Pack wants to talk with you.”

At Headquarters, you grow used to the idea of your life plans being blown to smithereens because "Mr. Pack whatever." He pulled this once during the Winter Social. Historically, after Services, there would be a meal and Game Night. One year, Dave decided to have an after-meal Bible study because of something so super-duper essential and urgent that the entire church needed to be aware of it. Hindsight is 20-20.

It was late, and THEN they went on with Game Night. As head of the set-up crew, I kept asking myself, “Wow, are we really going to do this?” Just writing about it still drains me. Those weekends were long, exhausting “days off” for the Headquarters congregation. Late nights. Early mornings. Full-day activities. The set-up, cooking, tear-down, and cleanup. Every man who leaves Headquarters knows of what I speak, and none of us miss that one tiny little bit. Good riddance.

And this was even before Mr. Snappy Fingers became the Headquarters deacon.

Those of us on staff experienced the continual instability of internal schedules. More recently, the entire church participated in the zigzag up-down-up of Pester General David C. Pack. A sound mind, indeed.

For those just tuning in, “The Greatest Unending Story! (Part 404)” was on the horizon per Dave in Part 403 last week, November 5. The week before that, a Meat Puppet dangled in front of the whole church to deliver these uninspiring comments.

I wonder how enthused the zealots feel now. Dave cannot only make himself look like a fool to the entire membership of The Restored Church of God, but James E. Habboush got to join him. Edward L. Winkfield is wiping the sweat from his brow, “If circumstances were different, that could have been me up there! Poor Jim.”

Andrew J. Holcombe got his “Hey everyone, I’m a fool, too” moment just before the Feast of Tabernacles. Gaze again upon Meat Shield’s proven-wrong-after-the-fact statements.

Today is Cheshvan 18. We are well-beyond Halloween and past the middle of the Hebrew month. The Packian Triad of Fraud is freaking out because they have no idea what the heck fire is going on. They are meeting this morning. They will meet tonight. They will meet tomorrow. This is not a quiet weekend for Jim and Andy. So much for sneaking out to see Wakanda Forever.

As I write this, Dave is frantically pouring through the Bible to find the prophetic emergency exit. Ten bucks say he will find it. And another ten say he will wind up speaking today after announcing he would not. [Edit: He did not speak. No Part 404 on November 12.]

The words of David C. Pack have zero value. Whether he speaks today or not, the result will be the same for the benefit of those in RCG: nothing.

After adequate priming, you are ready to experience the RCG roller coaster this week. Remember, Dave announced in Part 403 last week that he would speak this week. A man of his word, indeed.

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Prophetic Update

After all is said and done, there may not be time for a Part 404. We are still learning fascinating things about this first early period.

With the chaotic U.S. mid-term elections upon us, WATCH the events of tomorrow carefully remember Christ’s command to “fear not”!

*****************

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

Greetings brethren,

We are excited to let you know that Mr. Pack will deliver another live Bible Study from Headquarters this coming Friday evening, November 11, at 6:30 p.m. (Eastern time).

You can join the live stream by logging into Member Services and navigating to “Church Bible Study.” Again, the live stream will be open a few minutes before the message starts.

Everyone who is able should connect during the live message. For those unable to join live, the message will be available to watch afterward.

*****************

Friday, November 11, 2022

Greetings again brethren,

We trust that you had a productive week!

Please note that Mr. Pack is planning to deliver the next live message tomorrow during services instead of this evening as announced earlier this week.

Sabbath services at Headquarters starts at 2:30 p.m. (Eastern Time). For planning purposes, the live message will begin at 2:40 p.m.

Everyone who is able should connect during the live message. For those unable to join live, the message will be available to watch afterward.

Have a pleasant day!

Kind regards,

Church Administration

*****************

Friday, November 11, 2022

Dear brethren,

A productive week ended here at Headquarters!

All is well, and we wanted to let you know that Mr. Pack decided not to speak tomorrow. He will wait a little longer before the next live message.

We will let you know in advance when the next message will be.

Enjoy the Sabbath!

Warm regards,

Church Administration

The year before I left RCG, my editing partner in MPS introduced me to the concept of “strategic procrastination.” This is very similar to what ministers are taught about "under-reacting" to brethren.

It was a deliberate decision to not write about the Tuesday update. It was a triple-decker Nothingburger because I knew there would be PLENTY of time for a Part 404. But I chose to let Dave have his Chicken Little spasm in peace.

Then, the Wednesday announcement. Again, I thought, “Yeah, we’ll see.” And let it go quietly.

But here we are. Three days of changes. Three days of updates. Three days of producing nothing from the RCG leadership. They have become so effective maybe they can change their name to The Napoleon Dynamite Church of Gosh!

“…there may not be time for a Part 404.
We are still learning fascinating things
about this first early period.”

Did anyone buy in on that one? The election on Tuesday was supposed to bring Armageddon to your doorstep instead of Uber Eats. So much for worrying about that. Here is a secret: Dave, Andy, and Jim will forever be "learning" because they will never be right.

Fear not because God will step in at some point to answer the matter after He has heard enough.

Brethren, it may be safe to order that turkey for Thanksgiving now.

“We are excited to let you know…”

It is surprising the author was able to steady their giddy fingers enough to type that out. Who in Church Administration is still excited about scheduling any message from Dave? Maybe it was the Headquarters lady who ran away from me at Giant Eagle.

Using the word “excited” stretches the bounds of truth and reality. It sounds nice, but come on…

“…Mr. Pack is planning to deliver the next live message
tomorrow during services instead…”

If you ever cycle through Headquarters, you are used to this one. On the Sabbath, he does not speak when he says he will. Or he walks up to the lectern after saying he will not. Countless times he told the brethren, “I’m going to record a World to Come on Monday.” Halley’s Comet is more frequent than Dave doing something productive on a Monday.

The ministry and staff have learned to under-react to him. Strategic procrastination saves the staff from wasting time, even though Dave seems hell-bent on doing just that.

Understanding that he lives in Opposite Land will save you surprise and tons of grief.

Part 401 – October 22, 2022
@ 34:55 The month is Cheshvan…, and we're never gonna move away from it.

Part 400 – October 22, 2022
@ 34:40 I thought it was Tammuz. Turns out, it couldn’t be Tammuz.

Part 223 - December 20, 2019
@ 2:09:12 Never gonna set a date again. But you couldn't put a gun to both sides of my head and ever get me to deny all those verses [about Christmas], including this one we didn't know.

Part 197 – August 7, 2019
@ 1:34:10 I didn’t understand the announcement period. I understand all of that now. It’s crystal clear. You couldn’t talk me out of it. You couldn’t put a gun to my head and talk me out of it. I know exactly what it means now.

If he says he understands now, that is code for he does not. If he says he will never do something, that is code for he will. If he tells you to your face that he will do something, rest assured he will not. This is the leader of God's work in the end times. Big or small, David C. Pack is not a man of his word.

“All is well…”

Salvation is supposed to arrive in a few days, but Magic 8 Ball says, "The outlook is not good." What exactly is “well?” That is a pointless happy face sticker on a broken leg. Not helpful.

“…Mr. Pack decided not to speak tomorrow.
He will wait a little longer…”

Sheer panic is filling the Third Floor Executive Imaginarium today. They are out of ideas. They are out of metrics. They are out of biblical math. They are running out of time. Oh, Calgon, take us away!

Okay, another ten bucks say that if Dave does not speak today, he will also not attend Sabbath Services. Holy convocations get in his way. Commanded assemblies can be an incredible inconvenience to Mister Elijah-sometimes. (Unless he gets wind of this article before Services and attends just to spite me.)

The worst sin you could ever commit inside The Restored Church of God is inconvenience Mr. Pack. And God is learning that the hard way.

Even if Dave gives Part 404 today, I am not altering my plans for tomorrow. Nobody on the planet should put their life on pause for that guy. Expect to wait until late Monday for an update, folks. After all, even antichrists need to maintain balance in their lives.

This is the roller coaster The Restored Church of Another god rides. Come out of her, My people.

Get out while you still can.

A serious offer to those
who wish to depart from RCG:

I will help you craft your Exit Letter. If you would like assistance word-smithing the reasons for your departure, allow me to work with you in creating an effective and clear letter before you send it to your “minister.”

This process will avoid volatile language that gives the ministry ammunition to dismiss you and your concerns. They are looking for ways to discredit you before your peers. For instance, if you use terms like “faking,” they will twist it to suit their means. Do not hand them the knife with which to stab you.

Allow me to help you. They never need to know I did. I want to help in any way I can.

This service of exrcg.org is confidential and FREE.

Write: exrcgwebsite@gmail.com and put “Exit Letter Help” in the subject line.