August 13, 2022 | by Marc Cebrian

Wow. Dawn Blue is really showing her influence in the local community.

The Restored Church of God is swinging into full “damage control” mode. They have begun a public relations campaign by announcing their first-ever Open House.

Any single ladies out there? I need my plus one.

We cordially invite members of the Wadsworth Chamber of Commerce and vendors who have assisted us over the years to our first open house.

To extend our thanks and appreciation we will offer guests a first-hand look at our business operations as well as the opportunity to experience the natural beauty of our campus grounds—all of which exemplify our purpose and mission.

This is on the tails of four disposable “ministers” attending the 37th Annual Wadsworth Area Chamber of Commerce golf event this past Monday. Those brave men were the experimental canaries in the coal mine. Since no blood was shed on the green, it encouraged the enablers on the third floor to open the doors and invite the heathens in.

If your afternoon is open on September 8, it would be worth attending just so you can tell your friends you made it past the front gate. A selfie from the other side would surely go viral.

Be sure to bring your Bible with you because this event is on Elul 12. Feel free to ask a “minister” if they think anything significant is still going to happen that Sunday night. Do not ask any of the non-ordained employees. All they will be able to do is smile and look at their shoes.

If you really want to amuse yourself, when you are on the tour of the studio at the Media Center, ask the guide when the latest episode of The World to Come was recorded. The dance the man will perform around that question will be priceless.

The highlight for everyone will be when they get to meet Pastor General David C. Pack.

Greet him with a “Nice to meet you, sir. Are you currently Mr. Elijah or Mr. Not-Elijah?”

Here are other burning questions you can jot down:

• Why are you unable to make your own lunch each day?
• Why do others carry your briefcase for you?
• How do horses “do the work” for God and who paid for them?
• Has any member ever given too much Common?
• Please explain your interpretation of Deuteronomy 18:21-22.
• When RCG collects funds for AYC but does not have the camp, where do those funds go?
• Is it a faithless act to sell a house when you teach that Jesus Christ is returning soon?

This is the point at which the Coffee Kid and Pepper Boy whisk away Dave with urgent business elsewhere. The Enabler-in-Chief would be happy to answer your questions if you would please email him at nunyabiznes@rcg.org.

The Open House is one side of the coin.

This posting in Member Services last night is the other.

Prophecy Update
Dear brethren,
Enjoy the Sabbath. “A wise man’s heart discerns both time and judgment.” All is well!
David C. Pack

This is an onion that is begging to be peeled.

Most obviously, this is not a “Prophecy Update” in any way, shape, or form. This posting says absolutely nothing at all. It answers a total of zero questions you may have.

“Enjoy the Sabbath.”

That was super-important to get out on a Friday night or the brethren may have forgotten to do this. This is RCG-code for “Jesus Christ is not coming this weekend, so relax and don’t even think about it.”

“A wise man’s heart discerns both time and judgment.”

This quote from Ecclesiastes 8:5 is an attempt at a clever, layered response saying there is a reason Dave has been silent. Wait, is he calling himself “wise” again?

“All is well!”

The dead-stop of messages after two failed dates has surely rocked the church. Brethren from all over the world have been writing in and calling. Something had to be said to the members.

This reminds me of Brad Schleifer’s, “Mr. and Mrs. Pack are fine,” comment when they had COVID. Anyone paying attention should frame those open-to-interpretation phrases in the context of the behaviors they witness.

It is not so much what they say, but what they do not say.

When RCG puts out a statement that “all is well,” know that all is not well. The coming days will reveal this to be true.

“David C. Pack”

These postings are usually written in the third person, “Mr. Pack wants to express…” And many of the postings regarding Bible study updates are signed by “Church Administration.” This screams desperation to me by them invoking his name.

The direct signature is a signal that Dave did not resign from RCG and he has not yet been voted out by the Board of Directors. Either one would be a wonderful option.

This is just a ploy to get Dave’s name on SOMETHING in Member Services to calm the brethren down. That is all it is.

The posting says absolutely nothing of substance.

Is a “Special Comments” message on the docket for Announcements today?