July 2, 2022 | by Marc Cebrian

Trumpeting for plagues worse than just rain or ants on your picnic this weekend, RCG’s Inept Prophet plans to kick down your sand castle by July 4th. Or maybe starting in the afternoon on Sunday (July 3). But maybe tonight (Saturday July 2) at dusk. We’ll see. Hard to say.

David C. Pack compelled his staff to stop working yesterday but paid them to listen to him blather for almost 90-minutes as he delivered The Greatest Unending Story! Part 380.

His side-splitting opener is for the ages:

@ 00:14 Very little is going to change. The picture you have is literally picture perfect except I’m gonna make it a whole lot better.

You mean “better” than already having Jesus Christ return this past Wednesday night? The fact that there were no guffaws and giggles in the Main Hall was purely miraculous.

Since Dave loves to brag about how he never leaves the campus, the following analogy will be lost on him: Imagine you book an airline flight and the airline sends you an email update: “Very little is going to change. Your flight is now next Thursday instead of tomorrow. This makes it a whole lot better.”

@ 01:31 I suspected beginning Tuesday [June 28] that maybe we would be here, but I wasn’t sure until the days past and and and, of course, here we are.

Even when RCG’s Inept Prophet is clearly wrong, he loves to find an angle in which he is right.

Perhaps Dave is not much of a sports fan, so he will also not understand this: When the buzzer sounds on the basketball court and you still have the ball in your hands, that means the game is over.

He quoted Yogi Berra throughout the message. Being inspired, I also found some interesting quips:

“We made too many wrong mistakes.” — Yogi Berra

 “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.” ­— Yogi Berra 

“I never said most of the things I said.” ­— Yogi Berra

The further you get away from the RCG gaslighting, the more clearly you are able to see it.

@ 05:05 We’ve got the right month. We’re right on time. Wait’ll you hear what I’ve got to tell you. Now I began wondering on Tuesday if we could go into Tammuz. Some verses suggested we did.

Commuter trains have a set schedule. Imagine you get to the platform just before the doors are supposed to close when you hear an announcement, “Today, all trains are right on time. Come back in a few days.”

@ 07:53 And I’m gonna give you absolute proof that I didn’t quite have last time. We got the picture right but did we get the number of days right? And if so, what might change? How can the picture get a whole lot better when, so far, it means we’ve had to wait a couple more days?

See, people who flee from The Restored Church of God leave because of impatience, not because of biblical fraud perpetrated by a false prophet and false apostle. No biggie.

Like physical comedy, you have to see this one to get the joke.

In what dialect of the English language does this shuffling around remotely appear to be “very little” change to anyone?

  Note to MPS: The audio is out of sync. You either need to restart the audio delay component at the sound table or someone used the wrong video path for recording. Camera 3 is crooked and soft focus.

A new date was set for everyone to write down in their notes.

 @ 32:15 Is there any way we can know that we’re waiting for July 14th? Let’s just be blunt, July 14th is the Day of the Lord. Could you know that? You can’t argue with the month. If somebody wants to argue with the year, then I guess it wouldn’t be July 14th in some other year. But I’m just saying this year, let’s be dramatic, let’s just lay it out. Is it possible that the Day of the Lord is the 14th of July? And that the first day of the Kingdom, it’d be kind of interesting, be the 4th of July. Is that possible? Maybe, maybe not.

Hopefully, they used pencil because the message was far from over.

@ 41:16 Now, there are other things that line up. And they’re perfect. I’m not done here. We’ve got this locked and I’m gonna show you, it’s locked. The Man of Sin arises on a Sunday. Only by placing the the the the ten days from the 5th to the 15th [of Tammuz] does not only the Man of Sin arise on a Sunday, his season for three and a half weeks, Nebuchadnezzar, not only is that true and it would not be true if you delay it. If you say, “Well, maybe God means 1334 or ’33 or ’32.” No no no no, if He said [1335], that’s a hard number. And it happens to feed perfectly to “the Man of Sin arises on a Sunday” just two weeks before we thought he did because the second half of the month dudn’t play. Not only is that important, but God would likely, I’ve often thought, God would likely start His work at the beginning of the work week, a Sunday. “Now, wait a minute, the fifth [of Tammuz] is Sunday night, Mr. Pack.” We’re gonna have to talk about that because it might be I’ve got even a little bit better news than what I’ve said so far.

I guess I missed what the “good news” was in this first 42 minutes. Isn’t God’s kingdom having already arrived in the past tense better than the future tense?

@ 49:52 It’s perfect. It’s perfect. It’s just it’s so exquisite. But, if you say that the ten days moves on, you blow up all of that. Every one of ‘em.

Every Dave theory is prophetic Jenga. When you move even one piece, the entire thing comes toppling down. He doesn’t just build his house on sand, he builds it on all the marbles he keeps finding on his pillow each morning.

One mind-bender you have to keep straight the whole time while listening is that Tammuz 5 is actually July 4 and Tammuz 15 is actually July 14.

Follow the math for a moment. July 14 minus ten days equals July 4, but the Hebrew day begins at sundown the night before, which brings you to Sunday, July 3rd. But…

@ 1:12:35 …but I actually don’t think we get to Sunday night. So, lemme tell you what I think, but I’m qualifying it. I’m qualifying it. Sunday at at at at dark Sunday at dark at dusk, if it’s ten days ‘till you touch the 15th from when the start of the 5th [Tammuz], that’s ten days, if that’s what it is, then that would be sometime mid-day Sunday here. Wherever you are in the world, brethren, you’ll just have to calculate your time zone, but it will be a little before 1 o’clock Sunday here if that’s if it gets that far. Now, it could go even further because you gotta a bunch of other verses that say things start at dawn.

Despite bringing up the concept of “irreducible complexity” (Do we thank Brad for that?), when you listen through the whole insufferable message, all you can conclude is: Wow, what a convoluted mess.

Tammuz. July. Sunset. Sunrise. Jerusalem time. East coast time. It couldn’t be more simple.

As the message wore on, Dave’s certainty started to sound more uncertain. But don’t just take my word for it. Here is a sample of “simplicity in Christ”:

Have you ever heard a more wishy-washy “inspired preaching” about Jesus Christ’s return in your life? Perhaps this latest string of failures has Dave so spooked, he is now ready to claim the title, The Most Namby Pamby Prophet on Earth.

The explanation that followed to explain the details of this explanation sounds like Dave started to speak in tongues but used English as the chosen language. Everyone in the room put their pens down at this point.

@ 1:26:12 Could it go next year? I see no way. But I see the day approaching. It’s a massive coincidence, I see no way. I don’t see it could go to the next day. And and I will not stand up here, brethren, and have to stand up and lie to you. If we go if we go very far, past the range we’ve talked about, I’m not gonna stand up and tell ya it’s off. If for some reason, it’s not this picture, I will not bend it, I’ll tell ya that now. Have to be an oracle. I’d have to have Gabriel in this ear and Michael in this ear telling me to change it in some way. And maybe Christ Himself for something.

He sounds pretty convicted this time around, but where exactly do I pin this on my calendar?

• MAYBE Jesus Christ returns Saturday night, July 2 at sunset.

• MAYBE Jesus Christ returns Sunday morning, July 3 at sunrise.

• MAYBE Jesus Christ returns Sunday afternoon, July 3 at 1pm Eastern time.

• MAYBE TBD

Why should we be certain about this?

@ 1:03:15 So is this prophesying to you? I guess, maybe it is. It’s inspired preaching. I didn’t hear God talk in my ear but I’m coming out of His word.

Says Past-Tense-Elijah That Prophet. “I guess” and “maybe” are my favorite words uttered from a prophet’s lips.

Every member of The Restored Church of God needs to revisit this opening comment:

“Very little is going to change. The picture you have is literally picture perfect except I’m gonna make it a whole lot better.”

Now ask yourself…Was that true?