June 18, 2023 | by Marc Cebrian

The most pointless Restored Church of God Ministerial Conference in its history has finally concluded. From Sunday until Thursday (June 11-15), visiting “ministers” and their wives were subjected to a week of ever-changing, yet, somehow still BORING lectures by their Pastor General. The audience was privileged to watch the erratic progression of David C. Pack’s evolving delusions in person.

  With all the notes that needed to be blotted out during the five days, they must have gone through a crate of thick-tip Sharpies at the front desk.

  The Restored Church of God has officially become a global center of chaos, confusion, and stupidity. Do not be shocked when a sinkhole someday devours the entire Campus because the unstable ground over there is constantly shifting. No one can keep their balance while David C. Pack is at the helm.

  Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Brian Jackson, Larry Cockshutt, Andre Rouzan, and Nestor Toro try to answer questions from their congregations about what they learned during the Conference. To sift through which “knowledge” needs to be thrown out and what survives will take a razor blade, Scotch tape, and a bottle of aspirin.

I purposely chose strategic procrastination by holding off reporting on the Ministerial Conference until it was concluded. Watching Dave throw out what he taught the day before (TWICE) revealed the wisdom in exercising such patience.

  To help anyone grasp the scope of what was said this past week, hearing how David C. Pack concluded “The Greatest Unending Story! (Part 447)” will grant a proper perspective.

Flashback Part 447 – June 6, 2023
@ 2:01:16 I can’t fathom what else I could tell you…I don’t have anything else. Once that last Mystery ended, the well is dry. The cupboard is bare.

  Grandpa Dave had nothing else to say. Oh, really?

RCG 2023 Ministerial Conference
June 11 – Part 448, Part 1   1:43:10
June 11 – Part 448, Part 2   0:45:20
June 12 – Part 449               1:54:29
June 13 – Part 450, Part 1   1:12:44
June 13 – Part 450, Part 2   1:33:01
June 14 – Part 451, Part 1   1:16:50
June 14 – Part 451, Part 2   0:55:37
June 15 – Part 452               1:37:00
Total – 10:58:11

  For a guy admitting the well was dry, he somehow managed to conjure eleven more hours of content in time to face a room full of people. That cannot just be a coincidence, brethren. Even after the visitors went home, they received yet more revelations yesterday.

June 17 – Part 453   1:32:20
June 17 – Part 454   1:26:56

  Over 7 days, David C. Pack spoke 10 Parts for 13 hours, 57 minutes, and 27 seconds.

  One pattern that became clear after listening to the entire Ministerial Conference is that Dave knows how to take very little content and stretch it out to seem like he is saying a lot. Hence, the high boredom factor.

The biggest news of the Conference is NOT the upcoming first date for "things" to happen.

Tammuz 1—June 20, 2023

  The biggest news is that there is blood in the water in Wadsworth.

Layoffs have come
to Headquarters of
The Restored Church of God.

  This announcement seemed to come out of nowhere for no apparent reason, yet Dave’s financial concerns were hinted at on Day Three when he discussed world news.

Part 450, Part 2 – June 13, 2023
@ 24:32 The banking crisis. We could go on and on about that.

@ 24:47 You’d be interested to know, but I can’t really say, and I don’t have time, and I don’t think I would tell you.

  Pause. David C. Pack is bringing something up that he cannot really say, does not have the time to say, yet is taking the time to say he does not have the time to tell the audience what he would not tell them even if he had the time. A double-minded man is unstable in ALL his ways.

  David C. Pack is double-minded. David C. Pack is unstable.

@ 24:52 We’re taking some rather extraordinary measures to protect the reserves of the church. You know, the FDIC limit replies to us, as well. Our staff has to be paid. The Work has to be done. The ministers have to be paid (those on salary), and so forth. There’re all kinds of expenses. If our bank collapses, what does that mean?

  The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) was created by Congress to guarantee all bank deposits in the United States for each account up to $250,000. Due to the nature of what they do and how they do it, there are a few ways in which The Restored Church of God could take “some rather extraordinary measures” to protect their reserves.

  The Magnify Money website has an article explaining what faithless Dave could do to protect his money.

Open accounts at various banks: Each depositor is insured per bank, per ownership category. You can open accounts at the same bank, each under a different ownership category, or open a new account at more than one bank.

  This seems like a no-brainer, but hardly “extraordinary measures.” Maybe it could be phrased that way if more than ten bank accounts needed to be opened. How many empty bottles of Tums there are under Carl Houk’s desk could be an indicator.

  The next option is the most intriguing. If they did this, consider it healthy fodder for a future Netflix documentary discussing the financial collapse of The Restored Church of God filed under “bad decisions.”

Open joint accounts: Maxed out your single account coverage? By opening a joint account with one or more people who you trust, you can expand your FDIC coverage beyond $250,000.

Stroll down Imagination Road. Covetous Dave convinces Bradford G. Schleifer to put a quarter-million dollars in the bank under his name. Brad’s wife would own another $250,000 account.

  I have often repeated that I believe Brad to be a smart, savvy guy. I personally like him. But, I also believe to my core that he buys NONE of Dave’s malarkey. What is to stop Brad and his wife from LEGALLY bailing on RCG, taking his in-laws and half a million dollars to move to the Cayman Islands? Nothing.

  Perhaps Dave wanted to spread the reserves around even more. What if Grandpa Dave also trusts Ryan Denee and his wife enough to let them curate another $500,000? There would be some serious, hushed conversations about that scenario in the Denee bedroom. Ryan could finally go back to running his own Nursery to grow trees and flowers all day without Dave in the picture. What would stop them? Nothing.

  Both couples could legally walk away from David C. Pack and The Restored Church of God with a half million dollars in their suitcases. Dave would have bitter flashbacks of the demise of The Global Church of God while the Schleifers and Denees sip Mai Tais thankful the years of sacrifice were worthwhile.

  I am not saying those couples will do that, even if the circumstances were ripe. But, knowing both couples enough, I believe that scenario is entirely POSSIBLE.

Dave’s Nervous Nelly banking comments were followed up the next day when he leaned into his financial sweats by announcing six layoffs at Headquarters.

Part 451, Part 2 – June 14, 2023
@ 06:15 So, we reached a point where we realized we're gonna send some people to the field…we're doing everything we can to cut costs.

  Things are going poorly enough across from Giant Eagle that they need to remove salaries from the payroll. This is announced shortly after the Pentecost offering, which must have been a disappointment.

@ 06:25 And I'll tell you now, I know I was more inspired than ever before. I know that. I really, really understand that in light of what we're learning here.

  At this point in the Ministerial Conference, Dave was teaching the First Kingdom to Israel was a period of three months that ended on the Feast of Trumpets in September. It seemed oddly disconnected that the return of Jesus Christ was so imminent, yet he was laying off Headquarters employees.

  Whether he was "inspired" to teach the three months or "inspired" to lay off employees is unclear. Worthy of note, the three-month teaching was dissolved THE NEXT DAY. This "inspired" concept was erased in less than 24 hours. Inspired by which spirit, Dave?

@ 06:35 So, first, let me just say the Orels are going to go to Atlanta. We love them. We need them here. Losing each one is a big loss…So we're gonna send them both to Atlanta, and they'll be a wonderful blessing there.

  Transfers away from Headquarters are sometimes veiled punishments. If Dave has had enough of someone for whatever reason but still finds them useful, he banishes them “to the field” to serve the church for free. He essentially gets part-time volunteer work from people without having to see their faces. Sometimes it is more about putting someone in their place for not gushing over him rather than a decision to assist the brethren in that area.

  Kenneth M. Orel (The Chicago Heavy) is the Headquarters Pastor and the Fundraising Coordinator. His replacement was not yet named during the Series, but I would put my money on Edward L. Winkfield (Stepford Prime) taking the mantle. Dr. Frederik Jaco Viljoen (Doctor Feelbad) could also fill that role.

  When I heard Ken's name, I wondered about the punishment angle. RCG's finances are hurting, and his fundraising efforts have been an obvious disappointment.

  On top of this, the name I hear most often as being the reason some finally leave The Restored Church of God…is Ken Orel. His sermons tend to tick people off, especially when he counsels members and uses them as subjects for sermons without their permission. That is a legal liability, by the way.

  Ken is the same guy who instructed parents to kick their teenagers out of the house if they no longer want to attend RCG. This wise counsel to parents came from a man who has no children.

@ 07:01 Shawn Palmer will go back to Las Vegas, where he's pastored before. He can pick up his job…Shawn, where are you? You know about this, don't you?

  The audience laughs as if this is funny, but it is feasible that he was not notified. Sometimes folks learn things from the front of the room like everyone else. Apparently, Shawn did know, but that is not always the case. Finding out you will be laid off in a room full of your peers would not be the best memory from the Ministerial Conference.

@ 07:33 Dr. Ranney and his wife…both, of course, employees, just like the Orels are. So, if we send the two Orels, we lost two employees, and they do a lot. But Dr. Ranney and his wife are both employees, and they do a lot. So, Dr. Ranney is a natural field minister. I would love to have either one of those men if I needed a pastor. And so he's gonna go to Kansas City.

  That is actually funny because David C. Pack has no need for a pastor. Nobody in the world corrects him. He counsels with only those he chooses. They have to do what he says. He does not have to do anything anyone else says. That is a cushy deal.

@ 8:29 So they're just absolutely natural pastors. They can go visit some of the other ministers, too…You know, I walk with Dr. Ranney on a regular basis and, you know, like cutting off a hand…and [Mrs. Ranney] works for Ed Winkfield. Now Ed is sitting wondering, "Uh oh."

  Ed is losing someone from his department, and he is learning about it in a room full of his peers.

@ 08:56 So, I'm gonna just make a sacrifice…I'm gonna give up my secretary, and she's gonna go down. She's dynamite. She'll go down there, and she's gonna work for Mr. Winkfield.

  This is GREAT news for her. No more being Dave’s eyeglasses minder so he can adequately suck them during the prayer. No more refilling his water glasses with a 3x5 card on top to keep out contaminants. No more stressing that his coffee mug is warm enough BEFORE the coffee is poured into it. No more fretting about Dave’s coffee being “the right color.” Too light means too much cream. Too dark means not enough. You are sorely mistaken if you think those are fictional or colorful exaggerations.

  Dave’s newly-former secretary will discover what a relief it is to be out from under his looming passive-aggressive shadow. I could feel Ryan Denee’s wife’s heart sink upon hearing this announcement. She thought she had left all that behind years ago. Dooh! This would be another good reason to skip town with a half-million dollars.

@ 09:10 So, I'm gonna have to function without a secretary. But that's not where it ends…I'm gonna tell you all now, my wife is gonna go off salary. Partly because she loves to volunteer. She's got too much to do.

  “Too much to do," and she is being laid off? Make sense of that. Unless she has too much to do in her personal life, and this clears the way for her to avoid her husband for even more hours throughout the day. Babysitting, horses, and gardening can occupy a lot of time.

  I adore Mrs. Pack and cannot wait to share a cup of coffee with her after all of this is over.

@ 09:43 But a lot of this will also cut certain costs…we'll do it. The Ranneys can do it on less, although he could get licensed if he wanted to if time went on. I don't think he's gonna have enough time.

“cut certain costs”

  Dave never explains during these messages WHY they need to cut costs. How bad the financial situation is in The Restored Church of God must be a secret. The brethren will have questions for their returning "ministers." The CAD email inbox is probably flooded by now.

  Brad may have covered that topic in the “State of the Work” lecture. Even if he did, he would use his signature spin techniques to put a less-dire face on the organization's decline.

  In hindsight, maybe buying the $500,000 fixer-upper last year was not the best fiscal choice.

“if time went on”

  Trust me, Dr. Ranney is spending his entire Sunday on the phone, securing his next position. He is busy typing emails and re-establishing old business connections. No matter what he says publicly, there is no way that man is resting on his couch waiting for Dave to be right about prophetic timing.

  When push comes to shove, Dr. Ranney is a practical thinker. His faith in Dave is being tested right now. My personal hope is that this is his wake-up call. He gave his Common. He left his lucrative career. He gave up his personal time hearing Dave blather out nonsense on those walks and in the Main Hall Meat Locker. Now, he is being cast out the gates with hugs and smiles and a foot impression on his backside.

  Going out into the field as an unemployed doctor cannot fill his heart with joy.

@ 10:01 So, I will just say to all the brethren who are out there listening, we're all doing our part. I'm trying to do my part both in, I'm gonna lose some help, and I'm gonna, we're gonna lose income.

  He almost said, "I'm gonna lose income." Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Maybe he sees the wives unable to tithe as the lost income.

  Then, out of nowhere and entirely off-topic, David C. Pack utters the most bizarre statement of his career. These are his very next words.

@ 10:10 I will I will not surely die. I'm fine. I'm fine.

  Why is he invoking what Satan said to Eve in the Garden? How does that fit him losing his secretary or laying off six Headquarters employees? Surely die? That is so strange and creepy. Why has death entered the picture?

  “I’m fine” is as though everyone should be concerned about how this affects HIM instead of the other five people being cast out without an income. That is precisely how a narcissist would think.

@ 10:16 But anybody who has Common out there, we want to hit it. We want to really get going. We're doing everything that we can here…Shawn Palmer going off salary. My wife going off salary. It helps us. It gives us a little more punching power.

  Punching power to do what? Distribute more inaccurate literature? Buy more trees and flowers?

@ 10:42 But I would just ask…all of you listening in be thinking, can you do more? Can you do more? Sell all. I know we've been doing that, but this is a great time to be thinking about that.

  Sell all again more, folks. If they have not done so by now, hopefully, they never will.

The decline of The Restored Church of God is more apparent than ever before.

  Though I am an unordained non-prophet/non-psychic, I predict that once Tammuz 1 (June 20) fails to produce biblical fireworks, another house on Hartman Road will be put up for sale. Fewer employees mean fewer tenants. Fewer tenants cover less of the mortgages. Mortgages and property taxes eat reserves. Solving one financial issue creates another.

  The Restored Church of God is in a financial crisis of undetermined severity. No matter how the “ministers” want to spin it, a “transfer” is just church-speak code for layoffs. In reality, people at Headquarters are being “transferred away from employment” to cut costs.

layoff
a discharge of a worker or workers because of economic conditions or shortage of work

  Dear brethren of The Restored Church of God, there is blood in the water at Headquarters. Swim away as fast as you can.